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Series Preview - Yankees (59-23) @ Red Sox (45-37)

I'm so fucking nervous. Our offense was shut down last series, our lineup is plagued with injuries, all of our pitchers after tonight are TBD, our pets heads are falling off. Let's see how deep we really are against the best team in the MLB.

The Matchups

Thursday, July 7th 7:10 PM - Josh Winckowski (3-2 3.12 ERA) vs Gerrit Cole (7-2 2.99 ERA)

Friday, July 8th 7:10 PM - TBD vs Nestor Cortes (7-3 2.44 ERA)

Saturday, July 9th 7:15 PM - TBD vs Jordan Montgomery (3-2 3.19 ERA)

Sunday, July 10th 7:08 PM - Nick Pivetta (8-6 3.68 ERA) vs Jameson Taillon (9-2 3.63 ERA)


The Predictions

I fucking hate that we dropped that series to the Rays. You tell me we come into this Yankees series without having a single series win in the AL East, I tell you we are already out of playoff contention and I am mentally preparing to depart with Xander and Raffy. However, that is not the situation we find ourselves in. The rest of the wild card teams played similarly mediocre baseball over their last 10, so we still find ourselves in the mix, half a game up on the Blue Jays and tied with the Rays. So this is perfect timing for a matchup with the *checks notes* 59-23 Yankees.


We also are getting their best pitchers while they are getting 2 pitchers that definitely have names. I'm not gonna lie to you folks, the numbers on this one are NOT looking good. So, I won't look at them! That way we can all be irrationally confident, it's the Boston way.


Tonight, we have Winck vs Cole. Fuck Gerrit Cole, and Josh Winckowski is coming off of his best performance to date. Last time we saw Cole, it was opening day and he was bawling his eyes out because the game started 4 minutes late. We slapped him around for 3 runs in 4 innings. Last time we saw him at Fenway? It was the WCG and he hand-delivered us a get-into-the-playoffs for free pass. He can go fuck himself, but I will forever be thankful for him. Winck hasn't seen the Yanks. He showed great control in his last appearance and I am hoping that he can build off of that.


Friday, we don't know who the fuck we have going but we are hoping that it's Wacha. Wacha has a little bit of what we call dead arm. I get it from time to time when I'm hungover and I lie on one side for far too long while watching Jay Cutler dominate the American Cornhole League. His last appearance was 5 innings, 7 hits, 4 ER. But, the last time he got shelled a little bit he came back and delivered 6 innings of 1 run ball in his following appearance, so I expect a similar bounce back performance against the Yankees. Nestor Cortes has very good stats this season, however, he no longer exists!

What a bunch of fucking idiots! The Yankees are trotting a guy out there that doesn't even exist. Automatic win due to forfeit.


Saturday, we have god knows who the fuck is going out there versus Jordan Montgomery. We have done very well against Montgomery in the past, looking at a .285 AVG and a .424 SLG, and an xwOBA of .317. I can say with a fair amount of confidence that Montgomery is not a man of religion, since both Christians we have on our team (Arroyo and Vazquez) have 2 HRs a piece off of him. Raffy also has a home run and Xander is batting .464 with 2 doubles. In his first appearance against the Sox, he allowed 3 ER in 3.1 IP. Let's do that again, that was fun. I think we are going to have to bloop him to death, since he has a low avgEV, but high xAVG numbers. Hopefully the middle of our lineup can finally put up some hits with some fucking runners on.


Sunday, we have Nick Pivetta going up against Jameson Taillon. Taillon lost to the Pirates last week and let up 5 ER in that appearance. I'll be damned if I pick someone who just got touched up by the fucking Pirates (no disrespect to Oneil Cruz, I love you and you're doing your best sweetie) over the Red Sox. We will win this game by 1000.


So there you have it, I have officially talked myself into a sweep because we own Gerrit Cole, Nestor Cortes is not a real person according to Baseball Savant, we have good numbers against Montgomery, and Taillon lost to the Pirates. Numbers are for nerds, and I don't got no calculator.

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